I want to be honest with you. It's taken me a while to get to this straight honest evaluation of where my life has been, and how it led me to this point.
Dear readers, I want you to follow. Not because I want your money (how the hell does that work anyway), but because I want you to know my story. In December 2017, I lost my job of 6 years. I fell into a deep depressive hole, and evaluated many of the things in my life...I had been coasting along, all 6 years, content but comfortable, happy but unhappy. I think we have all done this to ourselves.
We make excuses because we have no other reasons.
I got another job working for the bank. I didn’t fit in. I felt like a strange girl dressed in black, a ghost in the corner. I felt stranger than I’d ever felt.
I finally got back into writing. Found a group to belong to. I wrote my first words of fiction again, 7 years after stopping entirely. The group fell apart, and at the end of September, 2018, I was desperate for something to be good again in my life. So I rebooted. I critiqued. I recruited. And I brought it back from the ashes, during lunch breaks and before work. It was reborn. I met some of the most beautiful people I’ll ever meet.
In November 2018, I lost my job again. Just after the week of Thanksgiving. My life had fallen apart. I had a mental, suicidal break. I filed for divorce. There were too many things happening, and I barely stayed afloat with the support of my new friends, and my old ones. The day after I got fired, I got an email. I had gotten my first short story published. “Lot”, the story of a talking car. A car like a child, jaded to the world, trying to fix it again. I spent half an hour sobbing in the car. This was validation. The only validation I had ever gotten, for 7 long years.
It is January 2019 as I am writing this. And I have hope again. I will step off the plane in London a week from now. I will breathe in the new air and remember to dream again.
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